Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
