i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
