lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
