it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
