ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
