Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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