you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
