Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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