just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
