He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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