I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
