I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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