escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
accomplished twins. life is a go
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
