he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
