I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
