Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
