I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
