first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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