apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
