the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
