Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
