so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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