Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
