Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
