I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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