She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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