i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
