I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
