I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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