put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
