Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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