I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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