she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
