I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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