The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
