I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
