His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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