worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
