The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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