Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
foreskin is a definite game changer
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
