The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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