Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Drunk is not a location!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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