I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
