You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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