Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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