HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
