Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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