I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
