So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
