we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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