Kiss
Puke
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
God I need to hump something, right now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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