Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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