You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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