I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
