Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
