my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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