No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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