so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
