are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Bring me that man meat
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
