I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i think i just lost a toe
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
